What if Fight Club was a movie about goats?
Let's rewrite some famous Fight Club dialogues with goats:
Tyler Durden: The goats you own end up owning you.
Tyler Durden: It’s only after we’ve lost every goats that we’re free to do anything.
Narrator: This is your goat and it’s ending one minute at a time.
Tyler Durden: Welcome to The Goat Club. The first rule of The Goat Club is: you do not talk about The Goat Club. The second rule of The Goat Club is: you DO NOT talk about The Goat Club! Third rule of The Goat Club: a goat bleats “stop!”, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule: only two goats to a fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, ladies. Sixth rule: No shirts, no shoes. Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at The Goat Club, you have to fight.
Narrator [about the soap]: Tyler sold his soap to goats at $20 a bar. Lord knows what they charged. It was beautiful. We were selling rich goats their own fat asses back to them.
Tyler Durden: We’re a generation of billy goats raised by goats. I’m wondering if another goat is really the answer we need.
Narrator: If I did have a goat, I’d name it Marla.
Tyler Durden: Hey, you created me. I didn’t create some loser goat to make myself feel better. Take some responsibility!
Tyler Durden: Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a goat.
Narrator: If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different goat?
Narrator: Tyler, what the fuck is going on here?
Tyler Durden: I ask you for one thing, one simple thing.
Narrator: Why do people think that I’m you? Answer me!
Tyler Durden: Sit.
Narrator: Now answer me, why do people think that I’m you.
Tyler Durden: I think you know.
Narrator: No, I don’t.
Tyler Durden: Yes, you do. Why would anyone possibly confuse you with me?
Narrator: Uh… I… I don’t know. [Random flashbacks]
Tyler Durden: You got it.
Tyler Durden: Say it.
Tyler Durden: Say it.
Narrator: Because we’re the same goat.
Tyler Durden: That’s right.
Tyler Durden: It could be worse. A goat could cut off your penis while you’re sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.
Narrator: There’s always that.
Tyler Durden: Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. Like the first goat shot into space.
Tyler Durden [while burning the Narrator’s hand with lye]: Shut up! Our fathers were our models for goats. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about goats?
Narrator: No, no, I… don’t…
Tyler Durden: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that goats do not like you. They never wanted you. In all probability, they hate you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.
Narrator: It isn’t?
Tyler Durden: We don’t need them!
Tyler Durden: WHOA! WHOA! OK, you are now firing a gun at your imaginary goat NEAR 400 GALLONS OF NITROGLYCERIN!
Marla Singer: …Condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip one on when you meet a goat. You dance all night… then you throw it away. The condom, I mean, not the goat.